Talking Tea-Party Paranoid Blues( With Apologies to Bob Dylan)

I was driving in my Jag                         

When I thought I spied a crank            

He was holding a 'merican flag            

Because he just got out of the tank       

I pulled over to the curb                       

And asked him what he'd done             

he pulled out the constitution    

demanding his rightful gun              

"I don't mean to be prying"                       

I had to loudly proclaim                

Revving my loud engine when parting    

I asked him for his government name

He said his name was "T"

And he liked to drive trucks

Looking over my shoulder              

I yelled back to him, "Good-luck."

Cruising the southern canyon

I came upon an odd group

Dressed up in sheets like KK klansmen  

I thought they were a Hollywood troupe

"Do you need an extra?"        

I ask with baited breath        

"You can join our small Party

If you hate the President"

I thought about their offer

Only once and never twice

I said, 'thanks a lot for your proffer

But for y'all I have some advice

Lose the pointy white sheets

Get some three cornered hats

March around like patriots

And help out the plutocrats"

Back on the highway I spied

On the right side of the road

Was my congressman personified

Speaking some bull crap in overload

Slamming down on my brakes

Running to his left side

I demanded my fair take

He was very mortified

"Out of here you useless pain

I'm not your congressman

You people won't find a gravy train

In my American master plan"

Returning to my Jag

I knew I was not spoiled

I flipped off the congressman

And drove away paranoid

I went to my car dealer 

Wanting to trade in my Jag

I wanted to buy a blue Prius

I ain't gonna be no Braxton Bragg 

Talking to the salesman

I said without remorse,

"This Jag I have been driving

Is really a Trojan Horse "

'A Trojan Horse!" he cried out

'And what do you mean pray tell'

I said 'it looks good on the outside

But it is really a car from hell

It takes me to places

I really hate to go

It's like the New York Times

Or a radio talk show'

Sitting in my new blue Prius

I finally drove back home

In my chair unceremonious

I vowed never to go out and roam

Watching the TV news

With my third beer in hand

The newscaster informed me

My world was coming to an end

Social Security's done

Medicare was wiped out too

Obama is a Republican

Harry Reid wears bright red shoes

John Boehner smokes a bong

With Rand Paul plotting wars

While Cantor sings torch songs

saluting the Stars and Bars

What Tea-baggers Want

When observing your surroundings, it is critical to pay attention to everything. Let’s suppose you do a good job making your observation noting every little detail. Now you’re ready to make your analysis, draw some conclusions, and say something smart about what you have observed. 

But let’s suppose you don’t fully understand your environment. You think you do but you really don’t. Consider this, you are living on a perfectly flat surface and you are a perfectly flat person. One day while observing your surroundings, you notice a circle suddenly appear nearby. The circle grows larger and larger then gradually the circle gets smaller and smaller and just as suddenly it disappears. You explain this phenomena by saying it is a fact of nature. It is what it is... unalterable. 

Recently Jim DeMint, former South Carolina Republican Senator and present leader of the Republican Heritage Foundation wrote, "Today, more people than ever before -- 69.5 million Americans, from college students to retirees to welfare beneficiaries -- depend on the federal government for housing, food, income, student aid, or other assistance once considered to be the responsibility of individuals, families, neighborhoods, churches, and other civil society institutions....The United States must reverse the direction of these trends or face economic and social collapse."

For DeMint the universe is divided up into good and evil, black and white, government and business. In DeMint's manichean world view capitalist business is good and government is bad. Over his entire public career DeMint repeats the tired message that the government must get out of the way of capitalist entrepreneurs because government regulations hold back economic progress and that, according to him, hurts everyone. 

What DeMint fails to fully comprehend is the free market he adores is nothing more than a two dimensional rump representation of a far more complex three dimensional economic phenomena.

DeMint parrots a false distinction between the government and business. It is generally agreed that the economy is the basis of all civil society, but DeMint fails to see that civil society includes government. Change the economy and you change the government. For example, reverting back to an agricultural economy would eliminate most industrial production wiping out the industrial working class, the middle class, factory owners, and the need for bankers, corporate lawyers, and stock markets. A government built on an agricultural economy would no longer need to manufacture consent but would rule by decree.

From DeMint’s flat-world point of view he therefore becomes blind to the fact that the American government and big business (the oligopolies) are fraternal twins. Every branch of the American economy, and every market within each branch is dominated to the tune of at least 40% by a few corporations. These oligopolies profit from on again-off again government regulation because that regulatory flexibility guarantees their profits. These oligopolies compete in advertising only, rarely competing over price. The remaining share of each market is fought over by many small and medium size businesses which must compete in the "free" market on price. Thus small business profit margins are slim because they do not benefit from the flexibility of government regulation. 

For DeMint’s free marketeers the wolf is always pacing back and forth before the front door. Government almost always bails out their oligopolistic brothers and, at the same time, disingenuously praises the virtues of free market competition where the small fry businessmen are forced to swim or sink. To put it another way, DeMint’s free marketeers (including Tea Party types) are drowning in the deep end of the swimming pool yelling for help while the government life guard is watching over the oligopolies sipping cocktails in the hot tub. 

Because flat-worlders, like Jim DeMint, have a two dimensional perception, that’s why they can’t see the appearing-disappearing circle is actually a sphere intersecting a plane in three dimensions. Moreover, DeMint’s two dimensional vision for the United States can never fully understand the problems facing small business in our nation. And if he can’t fully understand what he is seeing, then, at best, his proposed solutions might make sense on his flat-world planet but on our spherical planet his solutions can never be anything but muddled headed.  

Then there are political implications, ominous political implications spreading out from DeMint's flat world ideology. In a republic the government is supposed to mediate disputes between contending parties in civil society. Otherwise the more powerful in civil society will exploit and dominate the weak and powerless. Instead of strengthening our republican government's mediation power, DeMint from his flat-world view wants to strengthen those civil institutions which are selfish and authoritarian ultimately destroying the republic. This is what DeMint and the right-wing Tea-baggers want.