Jesus-Jesus-Jesus

I had originally planned to retire from the letters column in the local newspaper. But the ear shattering quiet of all those community hypocrites who raised holy hell over the ongoing religious/political debates in the local newspaper, but said nothing as the gang of three reactionaries known as Al Enderle, Edward T. Graney, and Jay Grant continued to drone on and on has forced me out of my self imposed silence. Over and over again these reactionaries and their tiny band of community supporters have demonstrated how pervasive the disease of ophthalrectalosis is in our town. Their absurd and unsupported opinions only spreads the disease wider.

The straw that finally broke the camels back were the absolutely stupid remarks made by Graney and Grant on the subject of education. Again and again Graney and Grant propose simple solutions for terribly complex problems. Again and again Graney and Grant play a one note symphony; jesus-jesus-jesus-jesus-jesus-jesus. Does your back hurt? Jesus will fix it. Constipation? Pray to jesus. Erectile dysfunction? Forget the blue pills, jesus has the answer. Kids killing each other in school? Praying to jesus will stop the carnage.

Here are some statistics: Every year without let up, as the amount of ice cream consumed increases and decreases over the course of the year, the juvenile crime rate also increases and decreases. Plotted on a graph, as ice cream sales rise, so does the crime rate. What can you conclude from this fact? Grant, ed.al. would tell us to stop selling ice cream and pray to jesus.

Here are some more facts: When the United States did allow prayer in the public schools, teachers and administrators were also allowed to beat students with leather belts, beat their students with specially designed paddles which had holes drilled into them to reduce air resistance as the paddle was swung, beat students with broom handles, cat-o’-nine-tails, and rulers. Students could be tortured by forcing them to kneel on sharpened straight edges. In the days when we all prayed to jesus every morning, the drop out rate in high school was more than 60 percent among whites and almost 90 percent among none-white students. When we prayed to jesus, the public schools were segregated just like Calvary Chapel middle and high schools are today. Upon graduation from our holy high schools, girls could not enter medical school, law school, veterinary school, or any of the university sciences. Girls could become English teachers or they could go to secretary school or “finishing school.” Girls could also get married and stay at home popping “diet pills” to boost their mood as they suffered in isolation. So let’s follow the advice of Grant et.al. and turn the clock back to the early sixties and before, genuflect to jesus, and, as an added incentive, lets also begin practicing ice cream prohibition.